My mind having thus gone astray from the Lord, it displeased him, and caused him to withdraw from me. So I did not enjoy the sweetness and comfort of his Holy Spirit as I had done before. Yet for loving those things that offended him, he took it not from me but it became my judge and condemner and so the terrors of the Lord often seized me. I could well remember, from the strength of my natural memory, how it had been with me when I was in favor with the Lord. By his holy Light I saw how I had lost the living sense of the sweetness I had formerly enjoyed. This made me sorely lament my present condition.
From this experience, I have learned to understand the vast difference there is between what is natural comprehension and memory, and what is the present, living, experiential witnessing of the life and power of Truth upon the soul, by which the soul is kept alive to God. Solomon, from the strength of his memory, could not forget how excellently he had prayed to the Lord by the Holy Spirit, at the dedication of the temple. Yet he lost that living and divine sense of it, when afterwards he went into idolatry. The world has the former; and by the strength of their natural reason, comprehension, and memory, they read, they study the learned languages, and acquire knowledge, or rather gather notions, being thus furnished and equipped for what they call divinity. But, alas! true divinity is quite another thing, and learned quite another way, even by the Lord’s Holy Spirit, and which consists in the enjoyment of his sweet presence in our soul. I say this, in measure from my own experience, for when I was obedient to his holy Light and Spirit in my heart, and was taught by it, it led me, though but childish in my natural understanding, to the holy hill of spiritual Zion, even to the enjoyment of his living comfortable presence. But when I declined from it, though I grew in natural knowledge and understanding, I lost my innocent condition and the spiritual communion I once had; so that, instead of his Holy Spirit being my comforter, it became my judge and condemner. These things now livingly flow into my mind, and I give them forth as a testimony for the Lord and to the operation of his Holy Spirit.
Thus stood my inward condition, from about the age of fifteen to eighteen, during which time I maintained a pretty good character amongst Friends and others. For, through the Lord’s great mercy, I never fell into any gross or scandalous evils nor did I keep bad company, but was generally beloved, so as far as I knew, by all that were acquainted with me, notwithstanding which, I was gone from, and had lost my inward communion and fellowship with the Lord that I had formerly witnessed. This leads me to caution all, whether young or old, against valuing or justifying themselves based upon the morality of their conduct, and depending upon it, as I have known some to do. For though a man cannot be a right Christian without being a good moralist, he may sustain a moral character and be very far from being a true Christian and acceptable to God: this I can speak from my own experience.
From Some Account of the Life of Joseph Pike, Joseph Pike, in Friends’ Library: Comprising Journals, Doctrinal Treatises, and Other writing of Members of the Religious Society of Friends, edited by William Evans and Thomas Evans, Joseph Rakestraw, Philadelphia 1838; vol 2, p. 360.
